Sarah Palin for President

Regardless of how stupid Sarah Palin is -- and she is Dog the Bounty Hunter stupid -- her track record as an opportunist is nothing short of astounding, and that has to be acknowledged. I can call her a fraud and a red neck -- both of which she most certainly is -- but the truth is Sarah Palin looks out for number one like nobody I've ever seen in my life. And the country has John McCain to thank for unleashing her on America.

Sarah Palin is trailer trash. Sarah Palin is red neck. Sarah Palin is shallow. Sarah Palin is everything that is wrong with the Republican Party today. Sarah Palin is a transparent publicity whore who has stumbled into a position of leadership in this country that few people with any real sense whatsoever feel she understands. And how did she do that? Desperation and opportunity.

Johhn McCain was so desperate to make a splash in a presidential race everybody -- and I mean EVERYBODY -- knew was lost when the race began that he thought bringing in a true Beltway outsider was the only way he could have any chance at all to even be remembered for running. Enter Sarah Palin, who, to her credit, didn't see this as McCain thought she would. McCain undoubtedly reasoned Palin would be so flattered, so happy just to be on a national stage with such a big-name politician she would take the crumb he offered and fall in line like a good soldier. But Palin saw a way out of Alaska. She saw much more than a brief moment in the limelight. This was opportunity not only knocking on Sarah Palin's door, but damn near busting it down; and as the ultimate opportunist, Palin was compelled to open the door and let it in. She had and has no respect for McCain. She views him as he is -- a doddering old man with a washed out record of political capitulation, willing to butt fuck his mom if it will get him another six years in the Senate -- and left him in the dust even before the last election was over. Adios, loser.


Which brings us to the remaining field of prospective Republican presidential hopefuls. Some of the best include:

Mitt Romney -- Let me say one word. Mormon. I might as well be saying Scientologist. Romney? As if.
Rick Santorum --  Still waiting for his first pubic hair to come in. Google his last name. Puhleeeease.
Michelle Bachmann -- Bat shit fucking crazy. Not many people know she was once a Democrat. She was also once sane. Great ass. I'd fuck her if I could muzzle her.
Donald Trump -- I can't even believe I had to include him. That I did speaks to the shambles that is the Republican Party.
Lindsey Graham -- Gay as a day is long, not that there is anything wrong with that, except in politics. He might as well be convicted of molesting puppies, not that there is anything wrong with that, either; I mean, who hasn't?
Jeb Bush -- Rigghhhht.Wha ...? Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?????
Donald Trump's toupee -- This is a long shot, but if the toupee does well in the primary, it might be able to carry the momentum to the nomination, and then, who knows!?!?!?