THE END OF THE WORLD WAS YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are reading this in Heaven --or HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQAVJAaSHAk&feature=fvst

Ignore the 30 seconds of YT bullshit, the payoff is the crazy bastard who says he won't be here tomorrow -- which is today, Sunday, May 22. Of course, Harold Camping, is indeed still among us as I write this, unless the douchetard had the good grace to either die of embarrassment or commit hari kari.

But then I got to thinking, wouldn't it be pretty cool if 200 million people just started taking off for the heavens? One minute you're ordering a beef burrito from Taco Bell -- just a little guac, mild on the salsa -- and like POOF! the only white chick in the place -- the one behind the counter -- starts rising into the air, THROUGH the ventilation and the roof and into the sky, flipping you off on the way up to Heaven screaming Peace Out, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! I am going to live with Jesus Christ in the Kingdom of motherfucking Heaven, eating beef burritos all day long and swimming in vats of guacamole!!! SUCK IT, BIIIIATCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I am still in line behind some fat, greasy trailer trash whore with BO that punches like Chuck Norris waiting for my burrito. I would be so pissed off. But who do you complain to? The manager is watching her lame-ass employee -- who couldn't make it to work on time if she had a police escort -- fly through the motherfucking clouds to meet Jesus. The manager ain't doing shit but falling to her knees and crossing herself like she thinks one of the Four Horsemen is coming through the door.

And I am still waiting. I know for sure now my burrito is gonna be delayed, but I've already paid, you know? I mean, it ain't like I'm leaving without my food. I am $5.52 into this bitch and money is tight nowadays. Fuck that.

So now, the retarded counter girl is soaring past my cell phone tower and I can't get the crazy fucking Haitians in the 400-degree kitchen to put my burrito together. They don't speak English and I can't speak Illegal Immigrant. I can see that floating bitch out the drive-trough window and she ain't slowin' down at all. By now I am near a seizure because I know there is no way in hell I'm gonna be eating in the next 10 minutes because few things move slower than a contrite Haitian in a Taco Bell -- everybody knows that.

Finally, my order comes up -- Nachos Grande, a chicken chaluppa and medium soda. By now it's been 25 minutes since I ordered and the Rapture is full-on. I mean, people are floating everywhere, like in the motherfucking Matrix. People are getting all Raptured out their car windows and stuff -- I mean, it ain't like Jesus is gonna wait for you to park the car, ya know?

So you got car wrecks and airliners falling out of the sky; first because people are all Rapturing through the engines and stuff and also because some of the pilots are Raptured right out the fucking planes. But it's cool, ya know, because God's got this. The planes that are falling out of the sky are only gonna land on houses full of people who aren't gonna be Raptured, right? I mean, wouldn't it just suck if an airliner plowed through a church full of people getting ready for take-off? God wouldn't let that happen. He only wants to hurt the ones who aren't gonna be all Raptured, right?

But I'm just kidding anyway, you know? Just playing a game of "what if." No Rapture happened yesterday and none happened today. However, through some kind of miracle, I was able to mow the yard, trim the rose bush in the front yard AND kick my kid's ass in Wii bowling, so there was definitely something mystical in the air, just not the end of the world Harold Camping predicted.

Now it's up to the Mayans. You know, the whole 2012 thing they had working before they got erased from theplanet 1,500 years ago or so?You would think they would have seen that one coming.

Yeah, 2012! That ought to be good times. Maybe Harold Camping should check into it.