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| That'll be $5 batrillion, please. If you want it numb it's gonna cost you. |
I didn't know dentistry was so closely related to proctology, but, sure enough, my dentist had two hands in my mouth and his accountant with a calculator and a clipboard jammed up my ass just this very morning. It was a BIG clipboard. Fuck coffee, if you want to wake up fast, shove a small Jew named Cohen up your pooper. That's motivation!
I am unclear if the bean counter found what he was looking for, but I doubt insurance is gonna cover the cost of taking him out of my butthole. You can bet your left nut that's coming out of pocket.
As for Dr. Mengele -- that's not really him in the picture, that's Bea Arthur from some movie in the '20s transposed over a picture of Bill Bixby from the "Incredible Hulk," I believe. Apparently somebody got handy with PhotoShop.
But the picture is a solid representation of what the dental appointment was like earlier today. Me in the chair, mouth jammed open, and Bea Arthur with a fucking half-nelson on my melon to keep me from moving.
I thought for sure I was gonna get numbed up before hand, and even said as much, but Bea called me a pussy and told me to shut up or she would get the BIG pliers, and screw all that, I thought, so I took it like a bad motherfucker -- like Samuel Jackson in "Pulp Fiction," except I'm not black, unless I'm naked.
But then the bitch hit a nerve and stayed on it like a Great Dane fucking a hot Shiba Inu. Bea drilled it, man. She found the sweet spot and lit it up, sparks flying, smoke coming up like fucking Dachau. I'm sure I passed out several times from the pain -- which Bea said was totally normal -- but I made it through to write this today.
So, the moral of this story is, obviously, get a good butt doctor and have him work on your teeth from the inside because dentists are some sadistic motherfuckers, and that's real, just ask Bea Arthur.
